The Tangled Web I Weave.

21 Jun

It was my intention to post a picture of my gargantuan, 34-week-pregnant belly today. But, sadly, the memory card on my camera imploded and I can’t seem to remember to buy a new one. Hence, I have no belly picture and this would explain why all of my blog pictures are of the Instagram variety. I promise to get a new card before my blog is awarded, “best use of hipster filters to make all food/babies look radioactive,” at my own, imaginary Blogg-o Academy Awards. (You’re invited, formal attire only please.)

I should have purchased the card when I was at the Red Ball Store this morning, which is how my sous chef refers to Target. Like any good mother, I have decided not to correct her mistake and instead have taken to calling Target by this new, far more descriptive name. I’m waiting for this to lead to some kind of embarrassing situation in which someone asks me where I bought my shoes and I respond, “Why at the Red Ball Store, of course.” However, deep down I know this is unlikely to happen because,

a) no one ever asks me where I buy my shoes.

b) the only place I really go is to the Red Ball Store, which means my reply would simply be “here.”

Problem solved.

In other, unrelated news, I have been willfully misleading my sous chef lately when it comes to the names of new foods that I am trying to introduce. Every new food, regardless of shape, size, taste or nutritional value is known around here as a “cookie bar.” If I call it a cookie bar she will take a bite. If I don’t, she won’t. It’s hard to keep this up on a daily basis. Sometimes I slip up and refer to the carrot I’m about to give her as a carrot instead of a cookie bar. When I do this she wails “NOOOOO CARRROOOTTT,” causing carrots to join the ranks of foods that are forever banished from her mouth. I have, at times, forgotten to refer to foods as cookie bars and instead have simply asked, while holding out a slice of apple, “Would you like a cookie?” To that my little one wails, “NOT A COOOKIIIEEEE!!! BEA WANT A COOOKKKIIIIIEEEE!!!” She knows what a cookie is, and this is definitely not a cookie. It needs the word “bar” added to it to provide that certain je ne sais quoi. It is only then that her little taste buds will unfurl.

As for the rest of my day, after leaving the Red Ball Store, where I can’t even remember what I bought, I decided to stop by the park to get in a little swing time before it started storming. There I stood in the muggiest heat imaginable, wearing a sweater (because I simply CANNOT expose my jiggly arms right now), drinking hot tea (because I simply CANNOT drink a cold drink before noon) and pushing my sous chef on the swings. After 30 minutes of this torture, I dragged my sous chef home and then wondered why I felt like I was going to faint and vomit and go into labor all at the same time. I have a problem remembering to stay hydrated when pregnant it seems. To remedy this I lay sprawled on the floor of our basement (while my sous chef climbed on me like a jungle gym) and sipped cold water between whimpers. Eventually the dizziness passed, I put my sous chef down for a nap and devoured a scrumptious and salty lunch. Now I feel like my usual fantastic self again. You see, I didn’t spend all of those years studying Eastern AND Western medicine for nothing.

And now for your viewing pleasure a few pictures from our amazing morning.

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English Muffin + Eggs + Avocado + Salt = Pregnant Lady Delight

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4 Responses to “The Tangled Web I Weave.”

  1. TealLine Photography June 21, 2012 at 12:35 pm #

    MICHELLE…my love…im coming over next week to play…k. i miss bea and you massively (as does zoey….i know by the fact that she was verrry upset that you werent at the last cookout). how have i missed on your beautiful blogging abilities…its almost as wonderful as having a conversation!
    oh and since im coming over you will have bump pictures for you next blog!

    ps….we dont even have to play at your house, we can go to the red ball store…its Zoeys FAVORITE

    hugs from both of us to all of you

    • sunandmoonandstars June 21, 2012 at 6:11 pm #

      That sounds good! I think we’re free most of the week, not even a doctor’s appointment! Let me now when you want to come up. I will warn you, the bump is huge, you made need to bring a wide angle lens. 🙂

  2. Toni June 21, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    I used to feed Bea’s daddy broccoli chopped up teeny tiny under taco fixings! Or tell him he was dipping tiny trees (more broccoli) into “dip” (salad dressing). You do what you need to do!!! Maria and I just got back from Red Ball!

    • sunandmoonandstars June 21, 2012 at 6:13 pm #

      I would have to tell Bea she was dipping cookie bars into more cookie bars! I hope you’re all doing well!

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